The Gathered Kind

The Moment I Knew Something Had to Change

I wish I could remember the exact moment I decided to homeschool our boys. It wasn’t a single conversation or a bold, confident declaration — it was more like a slow ache that built over time.

Our oldest had failed fourth, fifth, and sixth grade math. Three years in a row. Then somehow, by seventh grade, he was suddenly pulling a B. I knew something wasn’t adding up — not in the equations, not in the grades, and definitely not in my heart.

We tried everything — medication, IEP meetings, late-night research, and endless teacher conferences. I sat across from educators who nodded kindly but offered no real solutions. I remember leaving one meeting in tears — not because I was angry, but because I felt seen for the first time. Yet even then, nothing changed.

Our son started calling himself dumb. The light in him dimmed. And that’s when I knew — we couldn’t keep doing this.

When I told my husband I wanted to pull them out, he agreed immediately. He knew, just like I did, that our kids were smarter, more capable, and more creative than that system was allowing them to be.

So I did it. I sent the email to the superintendent — and even though I was nervous (that man terrified me a little, if I’m honest) — when I hit send, a weight lifted. I never got a confirmation email, but I didn’t need one.

I knew in my gut: this was the right move for our family.

The first confirmation came a few days later. I wrote five simple sentences on our whiteboard and asked the boys to write them out. In less than five minutes, our oldest was finished — calm, confident, and proud. I could actually read his handwriting for the first time in years.

That’s when I realized something: learning hadn’t been the problem. The environment was.

If You’re Sitting in That Same Place Right Now…

You’re not crazy for wanting something different.
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not underqualified.
And you are definitely not alone.

If you’re secretly Googling how to start homeschooling — or you’ve already drafted the withdrawal email but haven’t hit send — I wrote this post for you.

Because I’ve been there.
I remember the mix of panic, relief, and deep peace all tangled together.
And I want to walk you through what those first thirty days can actually look like — not the picture-perfect version, but the real, grace-filled process that helps your kids (and you) breathe again.

👉 Grab my free guide, “The First 30 Days of Homeschooling,” and keep it open as you read — it’ll give you daily structure while we walk through the mindset shifts that make homeschooling actually work.

Phase 1: Breathe Before You Begin

You just made one of the biggest, bravest decisions of your life — and it’s okay if your heart is still catching up to it.

The moment you decide to homeschool, your mind starts spinning:
What do I need to teach? How do I register? Where do I start? What if I mess this up?

Take a deep breath, mama. You don’t need to figure it all out this week — or even this month.

The first phase of homeschooling isn’t about schedules, curriculums, or lesson plans.
It’s about decompression.

Your kids have been living under a system of bells, grades, and constant comparison. Whether they were thriving or struggling, their minds have been conditioned to meet expectations every single day. You just pulled them out of that — so yes, it’s going to feel messy. Quiet. Confusing. Even boring sometimes.

But here’s the truth: this “in-between” space is sacred.

It’s where your kids learn to rest again. It’s where they start remembering what it feels like to be curious. It’s where you start unlearning the idea that productivity equals progress.

During this phase, your only job is to let everyone breathe.
That includes you.

Spend your first few weeks doing life slowly:

• Sleep in.
  
• Take walks.
  
• Watch documentaries.
  
• Bake cookies together.
  
• Read books out loud.
  
• Let your kids play outside for hours.
  
• Talk about what they want to learn — and what they never want to do again.
  

This time isn’t wasted. It’s healing.

You might feel tempted to jump straight into structure because the silence feels uncomfortable. But trust me — rushing this part only leads to burnout later.

There’s a saying in the homeschool world that your child needs about one month of deschooling for every year they spent in public school.
That doesn’t mean you have to pause completely for that long, but it does mean you’ll need to build rest and flexibility into your new rhythm.

This first month isn’t about creating a classroom at home.
It’s about creating connection at home.

So for now, just breathe.

You did the hard part — you said yes.

Now let your family’s nervous systems catch up with your courage.

Phase 2: Unschool Your Mind (and Theirs)

Once the initial relief sets in, another wave usually follows — panic.

You start wondering, “Am I doing enough?”
You look around and think, “Shouldn’t we be learning something by now?”
You scroll through Pinterest and see color-coded schedules, perfect desks, and moms who look like they’ve been homeschooling since birth.

Pause right there.

Homeschooling isn’t about recreating the system you just left. It’s about unlearning it.

Unschooling doesn’t mean you abandon structure or discipline. It means you stop measuring success by grades, worksheets, and the number of chapters finished.

It’s a mindset shift — one that starts with you.

Because if you’re still mentally standing in that old classroom, your home will start to feel like one too.

Here’s what this phase looks like in real life:

• Let curiosity lead. If your child is suddenly obsessed with dinosaurs, don’t fight it. That’s science, reading, and even art waiting to happen.
  
• Say goodbye to “behind.” There is no behind in homeschooling. There’s only your child’s pace.
  
• Redefine learning. Learning happens in grocery stores, kitchens, backyards, and car rides. It’s not confined to a desk or a workbook.
  
• Trust yourself. You are allowed to figure this out one day at a time.
  

And here’s something most new homeschoolers don’t realize:
It’s not just your kids who need to deschool — it’s you, too.

You might catch yourself trying to “prove” this decision was right by doing too much too soon. But what your kids need most right now isn’t proof — it’s peace.

So when you start to doubt yourself, remind that voice in your head:

“We left that system for a reason.”

Your home doesn’t have to look like a classroom to be a place of learning.

It just has to feel like freedom.

Phase 3: Observe Before You Organize

After the first few weeks, most new homeschool moms feel that itch to “get it together.”

You might start eyeing curriculum catalogs, watching hours of YouTube videos, or filling an Amazon cart with planners, whiteboards, and bins. It’s okay — it’s part of the process. You’re craving order after a season of uncertainty.

But before you build your system, learn your students.

Homeschooling isn’t about imposing structure on your kids — it’s about discovering what structure actually supports them.

You can’t design that until you’ve watched them outside the confines of school.

Spend a week — or two, or even more — simply observing.
What are they drawn to?
When do they seem most focused?
Do they learn better through conversation, hands-on projects, videos, or workbooks?

You’ll start to notice patterns:

• One child may hum while writing but absorbs everything they read.
  
• Another might need to move constantly to stay engaged.
  
• A younger one may thrive on structure while an older one prefers freedom.
  

Write these things down. You don’t need a fancy notebook — a simple page titled “What I’ve Noticed” will do.

This list will become your most powerful homeschool tool.

Because once you understand your children’s learning styles, everything else — curriculum, schedule, even discipline — starts making sense.

When I first started, I assumed my kids would learn best if we followed the same structure they had in school. But what I discovered was the opposite. The more I paid attention, the more I realized they learned everywhere.

My oldest came alive when he could work independently in short bursts.
My middle boys loved learning through stories and conversation.
And my youngest? He learned more from baking cookies and counting chocolate chips than any workbook could’ve taught him.

Observation isn’t wasted time.
It’s your foundation.

And once you truly see how your kids learn, you’ll never again feel pressured to “keep up.”

You’ll know exactly where to begin.

Phase 4: Build a Gentle Framework

By now, you’ve exhaled, unlearned, and observed. You’ve seen your kids start to come alive again — the spark returning in small, sacred ways.

Now it’s time to start adding gentle structure — not because you have to, but because it helps everyone feel grounded.

Think of this phase as building the bones, not the blueprint.

You don’t need a perfect daily schedule or a full curriculum yet. You just need a few anchors in your day — simple touchpoints that give rhythm without rigidity.

Here’s what that might look like in real life:

• Morning Anchor: Start the day together — maybe with breakfast and a short devotional, a read-aloud, or a simple gratitude moment.
  
• Learning Window: Choose one or two subjects to focus on each day. Keep it short — 30 to 60 minutes of real, focused learning is plenty in the beginning.
  
• Creative Time: Art, building, baking, nature walks, music, or even quiet play. This is where curiosity takes root.
  
• Connection Time: Family walks, game nights, cooking together, or just talking around the table. These moments are the glue of your homeschool life.
  

Remember: rhythm > schedules.
Rigid schedules will suffocate the freedom you’ve just created. Gentle rhythms invite peace and consistency without burnout.

You’re not trying to “replicate” school. You’re trying to create a learning lifestyle.

That means some days will feel productive and others will feel like chaos. Both count.

In these early weeks, success isn’t measured by how much work gets done — it’s measured by how connected your family feels.

And don’t worry if things shift week to week. They should.
Your homeschool is allowed to evolve as your family does.

If you’re someone who likes structure, start small:

• Write down three simple goals for your homeschool week.
  
• Choose one subject to focus on each day.
  
• End your week with a “Friday reflection” — what worked, what didn’t, what made you smile.
  

That’s your framework.
That’s how you start finding your homeschool groove.

Phase 5: Simplify, Don’t Replicate

Here’s something I wish someone had told me sooner:
You don’t have to recreate school at home.

No desks required.
No color-coded hourly schedule.
No stacks of textbooks to prove you’re “doing it right.”

Homeschooling isn’t a performance — it’s a partnership.

When you bring learning home, it’s easy to slip into old habits. You might feel like you have to fill every hour with subjects and assignments so your kids don’t “fall behind.” But remember — behind according to who?

The truth is, most of what kids learn best happens in the middle of real life.

• Measuring ingredients while baking is math.
  
• Reading street signs and menus is language arts.
  
• Watching ants carry crumbs in the driveway is science.
  
• Budgeting allowance money is finance.
  
• Gardening, cooking, cleaning, fixing — it’s all life skills.
  

When you simplify, you make space for genuine learning to happen naturally — and joyfully.

I remember one morning when I had a full “school day” planned — math, reading, writing, the whole thing. But before we even got started, one of the boys asked if we could bake muffins instead.

My first thought was, We don’t have time for that today.

But something nudged me to say yes.

They ended up doubling the recipe, converting fractions, adjusting measurements, writing down their steps, and proudly serving breakfast to their brothers. It turned into a full morning of learning — without a single worksheet.

That’s the beauty of homeschooling: it flows with your family, not against it.

Simplifying doesn’t mean you’re doing less — it means you’re doing what matters most.

You’ll quickly find that your best homeschool days aren’t the ones that look perfect on paper — they’re the ones where your kids are smiling, curious, and confident.

So if you find yourself overcomplicating things, pause and ask:

“Is this helping us learn and connect — or just helping me feel in control?”

If it’s the latter, let it go.

Homeschooling is about freedom, not perfection.

And when you lean into simplicity, that freedom finally starts to feel real.

Phase 6: Connect to Community

Homeschooling might happen at home, but you were never meant to do it alone.

At first, it can feel isolating — especially if most of your friends still have kids in public school. You might start to feel that quiet ache of doubt: Did I make the right choice?

That’s why community matters so deeply.

You need a circle of people who get it — moms who understand why you’re both exhausted and fulfilled, overwhelmed and overjoyed, unsure and confident all at once.

Because here’s the truth:
There will be days when you question everything.
Days when you worry your kids aren’t learning “enough.”
Days when you feel like the world doesn’t understand what you’re doing.

That’s when the right community becomes your lifeline.

You need a place to ask questions, celebrate wins, and say, “Today was hard,” without judgment.

When I first started homeschooling, I leaned on the few friends I knew who were already doing it. Their encouragement was everything. They answered my endless questions, shared their favorite resources, and reminded me that messy days don’t mean failure.

That kind of support changes everything — because it’s hard to keep believing in yourself when you feel like you’re the only one doing it.

That’s exactly why I created The Gathered Kind Homeschool Community — a private Facebook group where you can find real encouragement, simple ideas, and genuine connection with other moms walking this same road.

It’s a safe place to ask questions (even the ones you think sound silly).
A space to share your wins and your worries.
A reminder that you don’t have to have it all figured out to belong.

If you’ve been homeschooling in isolation or silently researching behind the scenes, this is your invitation — come join us. You’ll fit right in.

👉 Join our private Facebook community here — and meet other homeschooling mamas who will cheer you on through every phase.

Phase 7: Keep It Light — You’re Building a Life, Not a Lesson Plan

If there’s one truth I want you to carry into homeschooling, it’s this:

You’re not just teaching — you’re transforming your family’s way of living.

It’s easy to get caught up in the weight of it all.
You start worrying about transcripts, curriculum gaps, and what Aunt Carol might say at Thanksgiving.
But the heart of homeschooling isn’t in the checklists — it’s in the connection.

You didn’t choose this path to prove yourself.
You chose it to give your kids freedom — and to rediscover it for yourself.

So keep it light.
Let laughter interrupt lessons.
Let questions lead to rabbit trails.
Let messy days still count as “enough.”

Because the truth is, they are.

You’re building a life, not a lesson plan.

There will be seasons of structure and seasons of spontaneity. There will be days that look like field trips and days that look like naps. Both are necessary.

Every day doesn’t have to be perfect to be purposeful.

If you ever start to wonder whether you’re doing it “right,” remember this:

• Are your kids learning?
  
• Are they growing in curiosity, kindness, and confidence?
  
• Are they safe, seen, and loved?
  

Then yes, you’re doing it right.

You’re not falling behind — you’re finally moving at the speed of real life.

So breathe.
Smile.
Take the pressure off.
Homeschooling isn’t about mastering everything — it’s about living and learning together.

And if you ever start to feel lost, I’ve got you.

👉 Download my free guide, “The First 30 Days of Homeschooling,” to help you stay grounded in peace and purpose as you start this journey.

And don’t forget to join our Gathered Kind Homeschool Community — a safe space to ask, share, and grow with other moms walking this same road.You’ve got this, mama.
You’re not behind — you’re right on time.